I still don't like chocolate

I wasn't really sure what to write this week. I suppose it's because I feel like my life has been floundering. It's the middle of the semester, I have around three different projects due this week and it's midterm and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do to volunteer this summer with middle school students and I'm helping with little facets of my brother's wedding. So it's sufficient to say I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now.

I wish I could hide in a corner and...well not cry, that's too easy and crying just makes me feel like a perpetuating feminine stereotype. I already have enough occasions to hate my uterus, I don't need more. Additionally, I don't feel the catharsis from crying that others seem to. When I'm upset aside from getting frustrated about the fact that I'm upset and then frustrated about the thins making me upset (I've become a pro at that) I pray about it and then I release my anger by listening to music and writing and laughing, or sometimes I play video games where I can shoot something. Videos on YouTube are my saving grace for laughter. I could watch funny YouTube videos until my ribs hurt from laughing so hard. Bloopers from my favorite TV shows and movies are particularly effective for this. YouTube is also where I find new music that I like...that and the newest music mix at Starbucks.

I am in a fiction writing class. Yeah, me writing, who saw that coming? I like to write and while that is a very big part of the class, an even bigger part of it is reading the writings of others and then critiquing it. I think it's interesting to read the writings of others because in its own way it gives you a glimpse into their mind. It makes me curious sometimes what people think when they read what I write (if they read what I write). What impression do I give people? Do they think I'm clever or witty, do they simply write me off as just another writer on here with a series of ramblings? In all likelihood, they probably think I'm nuts. They'd be right, but I came to terms with my lack of sanity a long time ago.

I find the UT campus itself to be a fascinating creature and that's what it seems to be to me, UTK very much feels like a live being to me. This is particularly true at night. I like walking around at night. I am quite fond of the evening. I am a night owl hard core. If I could get away with staying up all night and sleeping all day, I totally would. UTK has a life of its own, it truly does. This mood is not surprisingly affected by the weather. It is particularly unhappy when it is cold, which leads me to think it is a girl...or a cat.

I think by my next blog I'll be able to do more than ramble. At least I hope so. Maybe I'll write one of those super clever and catchy blogs that are kind of funny while pointing out a very obvious flaw in our culture or campus. Maybe, but then again maybe not. Who knows? I certainly don't. All I can promise is that for better or worse, I will be back. Sooner than later I hope.

-Alicia

PS: For those of you who are curious about the title. It's an allusion to the fact I don't like chocolate. That's right, I am less of a woman for admitting that. I don't care. I don't like it, not by itself. I'll eat the heck out of a Twix and brownies are tasty, but just regular chocolate, chocolate kisses, chocolate covered fruit, almost every candy bar besides Twix (I don't know what it is, Twix is magical I guess, the brownies (on the other hand) are not, I simply do.

I don't like you chocolate. Not even platonically.

St. Patty’s: Werewolves, and Vampires and Ghosts Oh My!

So I am writing this on the eve of Saint Patrick’s Day. A lot of things come to mind when people think of March 17; the color green, Ireland, shamrocks, Guinness and even Saint Patrick himself. However there is one theme that is far more prevalent: alcohol. Americans love any excuse to drink, if you can make it a national holiday, even better. Most people couldn’t tell you a single thing about Saint Patrick or in some cases Ireland, but when March 17th rolls around, you better believe we claim our Irish heritage, true or not. In the same way, hardly any of us know anything about Mexico’s fight for independence, but Cinco De Mayo…mas cervesa por favor. It is the American way. Not that I’m completely complaining, I will get swept up in the lovely madness of Saint Patrick’s Day, I haven’t gone a single year without wearing green. I made that mistake when I was a wee lass of first grade, and I never made that mistake again. Though I did hear folklore about wearing the color red, so I would wear it…just in case. Yeah, no luck on that one…ever. Holidays, innocent in their intention or otherwise, have one rather wonderful trait: they unite people.

There is something rather fantastic about getting swept up in something greater than yourself. I suppose that is really what holidays do for us. Most Americans are patriotic on any given day, but don’t think about it, not directly. However, the fourth of July, we will rock red, white and blue and eat hot dogs and burgers until we are sick. God bless America! We all do that though don’t we? Some turn to religion for that very reason, they want to be swept up in something greater than themselves. Obsessions come naturally to us. Humans long for something to belong to. It is the way we were created. So even if it’s not a good thing to get involved with, we are blinded when we are in the middle of it. On that note…it is with much shame that I will admit…I was one of those Twilight girls. I will admit it, I am embarrassed that I was a member of the craze and in hindsight, it was a little foolish. I have since then read them over and realized that they are not terribly well-written, the plot is iffy. I have since then seen the error of my ways. Though for that short while, it was nice to be involved with something that was so unifying, so ridiculously universal. If I had one of those books out, it was almost guaranteed that somebody would talk to me. It was…nice. Even if you don’t respect Meyer for her writing, one has to respect the fact that what she has done has become an cultural phenomenon. Like her works or not, she has done something that few people have been able to.

Vampires and werewolves have become such a huge part of American culture. I could do a whole dissertation about that, but that is another blog for another time. Most of the shows and movies that feature these creatures are laughable at best. Perhaps this is a shameless plug and I will accept that. The TV show Being Human is my new addiction. I am speaking of the English version. For those who are huge fans of the British version, first of all…what are you doing reading this? I doubt you are, but believe me when I say I have every intention of watching the British version. I just really wanted to see the American version for two reasons. Sam Witwer (who played Doomsday on Smallville) and Sam Huntington (Mimisiku from Jungle 2 Jungle, *giggle* Mimisiku) and it is rather fantastic. Two lead characters who are gorgeous and talented, sign me up! For those of you who don’t know the premise, it is a vampire, werewolf and a ghost who are all in the same house. It is wonderful and engaging, if you can’t tell…I’m a big fan. Mostly because Sam (who is the werewolf) is super awkward and I am a huge fan of socially awkward boys. So you should check it out. In case you are reading this the day it is released, a very Happy Saint Patrick’s Day to you!

My First VolBlog

This is by no means my first blog...clearly. However, I am trying to get 'out there', so I am now an official contributor for volblogs.com and this my first one.

Typically one would use their first blog post to introduce themselves. This is my life, this is who I am, these are the things I like, I am this old and have been to school for this long. I find that a bit boring. If you want details about who I am, you can ask and I’ll work it into a blog. This isn’t about me as much as my writing, and I think that in writing, a soul can be expressed better than it can be explained.

So rather than putting into words the way I perceive myself, or the way that I want you to ‘see’ and understand me, I’m going to write. Believe me, who I am will show itself, manifest through my words, I can’t help myself. Of course, that leaves the awkward first blog subject. I am going to write on something close to my heart, female nerds.

There is a rather odd misconception about female nerds. The first and foremost being that they don’t exist. This is clearly not true and I am living proof of this. The next is that guys love female nerds, this is not completely true. Nerdy guys love nerdy girls, not necessarily in the romantic sense of things because that would imply that they’d have the social graces to love something other than their World of Warcraft wife. Nerdy guys love the idea of nerdy girls. It’s a person who likes the same things they like, play the video games they play, read the comic books they read, watch the anime they watch, and would cosplay like they cosplay, but with the added bonus of boobs.

However, we nerdy girls are just as misunderstood as our male counterparts. We simply get the frustration of walking to the men’s section of Wal-Mart to get halfway cool looking, clever nerdy shirts. Apparently we nerdy girls like pink and all things covered in glitter. I, for one, do not. I don’t like pink, I’ll say it. The color irks me and if pink irks me, fuchsia makes me downright irate. Glitter is the herpes of the craft world and for some odd reason, clothes makers think it’s a great material to use on shirts that have an excessive amount of interaction with other clothes. I will not lie, I went through a glitter phase…and I am still finding it in the most random places. Years ago if you opened any of my clothes drawers, you’d think I’d had a vendetta against fairies and after killing them, stuffed their little winged bodies in the corner where they slowly dissipated into flecks of shiny.

There is something rather wonderful about nerdy girls, there are more of us than you think. I am taking Japanimation here at UTK. Yes, that is an actual class. It is classified as Japanese 321, but essentially we read manga and watch anime. I went into that class expecting to be one of maybe two girls in a class of bespectacled nerdy boys. There were more than two of us, actually the class was mostly girls. It’s kind of nice to find out you are not the only one. The diversity of nerds is astounding, both male and female. There is even a difference between nerds and geeks, a little known difference, but a difference none the less. I got scolded and promptly schooled by a geek who informed me of the difference.

Nerds are not so unlike you, maybe you are a nerd yourself. It’s all right, you are not alone. It’s easy to feel that way when it seems like you are on the outside of society itself. I kind of like it here though. It’s far more interesting than being ‘normal’ and I would rather be weird anyways, you get cooler badges and more achievement points anyways. So begins our marvelous little journey together. I’m very much open to ideas to write about so if you are actually reading this, thank you and comments are always appreciated.

-Alicia_F